Life?

Absence of the blogging world has made me feel… weird.  I don’t know.. The last few weeks have been really strange for me.  It seems like my life has gone topsy-turvy… It’s funny that one thing can be the start of many shitty things to come.  One minute life can be the greatest thing you will ever know and then the next it’s the shittest thing you will ever know.  Really, it’s the only sure thing that any of us know.  Sure we gain knowledge about many things about so many different subjects but all we really have is our life.. our brain.  We don’t know what happens outside of our heads, what happens in other peoples heads, what everyone else is thinking (a subject I think about a lot) .  I wish i knew what people thought when told something important, or even if they are told something so small… peoples reactions are rather interesting… I know my reactions are.  Life is unpredictable.  The things you were so sure about yesterday, are now like dirt.. easily washed away if rained on.   I’m sorry if i’m not making much sense… My brain is a muddle lately.

2 weeks ago a friend killed himself.. Because of love.  He was my age (21).  Still quite unsure about how i’m feeling about it.  I’m sad, i’m angry, i’m… so many things i can’t even write.   Abandonment has always been an issue of mine, and when something like this happens, i tend to let go of all the good things in my life so i don’t get left behind.  People don’t understand this.. i don’t either really.  I was told that people usually grab hold of the good things when something like this happens… I understand that.. but i haven’t ever been that way..   I wish i could show people inside my head sometimes, then maybe someone can tell me what’s going on..

Ok sorry about the weirdo post…

I’m out.